It is December.
The year has just disappeared on me. Suddenly it is December and Christmas is very soon. I still have done nothing, have you? However, unaccountably I am not getting stressed this year. For the first time I can remember I am genuinely thinking “what does not get done, does not get done”. However I have friends who are on their way to Lapland and others who are touring all sorts of Christmas markets. They seem mainly to be discussing the fabulous market food on offer, especially roasted chestnuts. These are one of my favourite things so I am feeling Christmasy by association.
So what else am I thinking about.
Well for the very last time, I promise, my thought starts from my broken leg. I have just returned home after the fractured tibia took me away for five months healing – yes really – this is what happens if you are a wheelchair user and cannot weight bear during your recovery.
I have been talking a bit about trust in recent times but suddenly it is vital in my life. I am currently reliant on carers helping me as my legs are not yet strong enough to hold me up. I need assistance in transferring. It involves having complete faith in the other person – their physical strength and their verbal instructions. The result of a mistake would be me falling flat on the floor and possibly being back where I started. It is a hugely trusting relationship.
How do you assess whether a person you meet is worth of giving your complete faith? I wish I knew the whole answer. I know for me it is about attitude: is their focus on me and how I want to do things and what matters to me? Are they other referenced or are they self-referenced? Is everything about how it affects them? Do they ask good questions and then really listen to the answers? Do they have a sense of seriousness mixed with the ability to laugh, especially at themselves? Are they prepared to share themselves so that I can assess all these things? What else would you put on your list for deciding whether to take a risk on someone?
However there is an additional problem at present. Our trust cup is at least half full before we add in any additional needs to trust. We are surrounded by challenges to our levels of confidence. We have also just had a budget and lots of people are speaking with me about whether they trust politicians, economists or the deductions made about the fiscal decisions taken. In the main they don’t but they recognise that which ever party was in power unpleasant, unpalatable decisions would be taken. This is a time when like me at the moment, trust is purely selfish: can putting my trust in this person or people to give me what I personally need in this situation? I can decide because it is a one to one relationship. At the other end of the spectrum none of us can genuinely believe politicians, we do not know, understand the complicated threads of our individual lives.
Of course it is not politicians who are not the only ones we do not trust right now. In general terms we do not trust the police, lawyers, estate agents, financial advisers and we think “scam” almost before we think anything else when a strange email comes in or some stranger phones us. However lack of trust goes so much further. I have had conversations with a couple of parents this week who confessed to not allowing their offspring to go on sleepovers; either because they do not trust the other child or because they do not know the parents well enough to trust them with their most treasured possession. This is not about letting the child stay up too late or eat too much sugar, this is fear of abuse, inappropriate behaviour or exposure to pornography. Who can blame them when only last week there was a terrible case of the rape and murder in the Punjab, of a 13 year old girl. She had been enticed by her friend’s father to go into their house which was immediately next door. The friend and her mum were away but the girl did not know that. The father attacked the girl horrifically. After this which parent has not got a case to keep their children at home. And how can they be surprised if other parents are doing due diligence before trusting them?
So we live in a society where our level of mistrust is very high and has to be broken through if we are to form relationships.
So what is the business relevance of all this? First of all, we have to accept that any one of us has a glass half full of distrust before anything else adds into our day. We think “rogue” before we think anything else. However, we have to have long term relationships. You rely on suppliers and your clients rely on you. Ideally these are solid relationships established over time rather than purely transactional ones. You are probably very loathe to terminate them. I have just ended a 40 year relationship with someone because I could no longer rely on them. It is incredibly tough and painful.
And it makes you hate yourself. Then you have to establish a new relationship. It is a complete leap of faith. So here we go back to where I started. How do you evaluate how to trust people? Certainly faith builds as you deliver what the other person wants and what you promised.
In my business I have to trust my instincts about potential clients, trust their standard of work, their ethics and values. If I decide to work with them (and them with me) I will connect them with people so I must believe in them. In return, my clients have to feel comfortable with me to enter into the relationship and then my behaviour has to build on that or we go our separate ways.
So what do I need to do to give you a deep dive into whether I can be trusted? Do you want an off the meter conversation on a one to one basis? Do you want me to run a short business webinar to test out my experience in some way? If so which subject would you like me to cover? Or what else?
I want to meet you. We might want to work together in this exciting business world we both inhabit. So please let me know. I have some spaces in my book at the moment so it would be a good time. I love hearing about people’s lives and businesses, off the meter, to help them explore possibilities for making their aspirations a reality. I hope you will be one of them.
Lastly be grateful for all the lovely people you do value and trust in your life; make sure they know you value them especially as we approach Christmas.
May you and yours have a very merry time!
